Monday, July 14, 2008

Hate Mail: Monday Edition

Dear Mosquitos:

No offense or anything, but what purpose do you serve? Nobody likes you and all you do is cause trouble. I was just trying to do my job at Saturday's outdoor wedding, but you would not leave me alone. I didn't want to resort to DEET, but next time I will be prepared. You will not live to bite again!

Love,
Steph

Dear Mom in the Woodman's parking lot:

Maybe you missed this day in preschool, but it's not a good idea for kids to run unattended in parking lots. If you don't trust your kids to keep an eye out for cars trying to back out of spots, perhaps you should hold their hands. And the appropriate response after your children RUN behind my car is *not* to laugh and wave. In the future, please stop reviewing your receipt long enough to ensure your kids make it safely to your car.

Sincerely,
the driver who now has 10 more grey hairs thanks to you

Dear Woodman's produce bags:

WHY??? Why do you hate me? Why do you make me look like a fool when I'm just trying to put my broccoli in you and move on? Did you see the way that little old lady looked at me while I was vehemently shaking you open? She was judging me. I don't like that. So please, if you don't cooperate a little more I'm going to be forced to stop eating vegetables all together. You don't want that do you?

Thanks for your cooperation,
Inept in Aisle 2

Dear Hormones,

You suck. And that's all I have to say.

Yours truly,
Woman on the verge of a breakdown

6 comments:

karen m. (akaliz) said...

oh Steph! i'm sorry to laugh; i hope that things are going better. if you're still on the verge of a breakdown, you should seriously go back and read what you wrote! too funny!

i have a mosquito letter as well, but it's made out to wasps. they don't do any pollination, right? correct me if i'm wrong. seriously. what is the point?

Susan Beth said...

Keep you chin up! Remember, misquitos die before winter, little old ladies judge no matter how well you handle the produce bags, and Thank the Good Lord that child didn't get hit. You sound like a pretty sane person to me, it's just the rest of the world that has gone mad! Oh, and hormones...well, as one who's hormones are trying to check out these days, let me tell you, they do have a purpose, and when they disappear, you will miss them. Until then, ride the rollercoaster girl!

Tiffany said...

Okay Steph, your post made me chuckle. I hate mosquitos and those stinking produce bags. Those bags make me look like a complete idiot and I must look like I have never stepped foot in a grocery store before. That and the fact that I look 14 while pushing around a 2 year old doesn't exactly help either.

And I would have slapped the mother. But then again sometimes I am an angry individual. ha! Chin up!

Denise said...

Dear Steph;

I have been hired by all the mosquitos, bad parents, non-cooperative produce bags, little old ladies and hormones to convey their sincerest apologies for the pain, suffering and embarrassment they have caused you. Not to mention...the addition of the ten grey hairs.

Sincerely,
Denise
On Behalf of the Irritants

Barb said...

Dear Snarky Friend,

I love that you can use snark to turn such annoying situations into entertainment for people the world over. And, I miss hanging out with you.

Sincerely,
Your Fellow Snarker. :)

Lisa Dickinson said...

too funny :) hope today has a little less irritations!