No offense or anything, but what purpose do you serve? Nobody likes you and all you do is cause trouble. I was just trying to do my job at Saturday's outdoor wedding, but you would not leave me alone. I didn't want to resort to DEET, but next time I will be prepared. You will not live to bite again!
Dear Mom in the Woodman's parking lot:
Maybe you missed this day in preschool, but it's not a good idea for kids to run unattended in parking lots. If you don't trust your kids to keep an eye out for cars trying to back out of spots, perhaps you should hold their hands. And the appropriate response after your children RUN behind my car is *not* to laugh and wave. In the future, please stop reviewing your receipt long enough to ensure your kids make it safely to your car.
the driver who now has 10 more grey hairs thanks to you
Dear Woodman's produce bags:
WHY??? Why do you hate me? Why do you make me look like a fool when I'm just trying to put my broccoli in you and move on? Did you see the way that little old lady looked at me while I was vehemently shaking you open? She was judging me. I don't like that. So please, if you don't cooperate a little more I'm going to be forced to stop eating vegetables all together. You don't want that do you?
Thanks for your cooperation,
Inept in Aisle 2
You suck. And that's all I have to say.
Woman on the verge of a breakdown