Four

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I'm fairly certain Jason Mraz didn't intend for this song to be about parenting, but from the first time I heard it I couldn't help but think about my love for A.J. He is the one who challenges me to the point of insanity, who makes me laugh harder than I ever thought possible, and teaches me something every day. Nothing is ever easy with him. Every day is an adventure and I am just along for the ride. Maybe that's why I can't help but tear up when I hear:

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

How lucky am I to be trusted with this blessing? 4 years ago today he did more than make me a mama. He changed who I am and who I will be for the rest of my life. Being his mother has taught me so much about myself, about my capacity to love, and how much I am willing to fight for what is right for our family. 

Watching him be a big brother is amazing. We worried so much about how he would transition, if he would feel jealous, if he would regress or act out. I wish I could have that time back, when I was so worried. He was made to be a big brother. He is an amazing teacher. He shares almost everything from his toys to his room to his mama's lap. He somehow knows when Sammy is really testing my patience and knows just when to pull out the "I love loo mama" that seems to make it so much better. 

I have no idea what this next year will hold for us, where we will go, what we will do. But I do know I'll be back here next year, writing about how lucky I feel to have this boy in my life and how I can't believe how much he's growing and changing. 

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up 

Happy 4th Birthday, Anderson James Homburg. You are loved more than you could ever know.