Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Sunshine State

Florida is living up to its name since I arrived Tuesday afternoon. We did have a brief shower early this evening, but it brought with it a nice breeze, so I'm not complaining.

I'm trying to focus on the positive tonight.

The beautiful weather.
Cherished time with my mom, and precious moments with my grandmother.
A surge of creativity that's allowed me to create some fun layouts with just a handful of supplies I brought with me.
Shopping for goodies which served as some much needed "Retail Therapy" this afternoon.
Notes from friends that bring both smiles and tears.

The truth is, a part of my heart is very much broken tonight. I got my hopes up for a miracle this month, but it wasn't meant to be.

If there's one thing I'm learning on this infertility journey, it's that this doesn't get easier. You would think after months and months, I'd be used to the disappointment and realistic about my hopes. But it's a funny thing how after a couple of days of crying, I'm optimistic once again. Each month I know that we have a shot. And each month it's even harder to say goodbye to that dream.

But tonight, I will go to bed thankful for what I have: a wonderful family, loving friends, and hope.


angieoh! said...

Steph - prayers and positive vibes going your way. I know anythign I could say would be hollow so let me just remind you that i love you and that you have so many gifts to offer the world, I am lucky to call you friend.

em said...

Oh Steph. I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now. You are such a wonderful person and will be a wonderful mother someday, and you don't deserve to be feeling this heartache and pain. Please know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers. em

Barb said...

Oh, Steph. I was so very sorry to hear this. Until next month or the month after or the month after or whenever it happens. . . I'll be here to cheer you along!