Blog Your Heart

Yesterday, my sweet friend Stephanie issued a challenge (inspired by the honesty in Ali's post) to blog what's on your heart. You know, the real stuff that gets lost in the posts about menu planning and making homemade playdoh and working on plans for the holidays even though it's only September. (Those are all things I would be blogging about, by the way, if my son ever took reliable long naps and if our house wasn't on the market forcing me to spend all of the aforementioned short naps cleaning) Of course AJ barely napped yesterday, so I'm just now sitting down to take part in Steph's challenge. So here I am, a day late, with what's on my heart right now.

• Family: I have been thinking a lot about the relationships I want for AJ to have with his extended family. I've always dreamed about having a big family and lots of loud holiday get togethers. I've wanted to be "that house" where everyone comes and eats and drinks and laughs together. But the truth is, I don't know how big God is going to allow our family to be. There's a possibility AJ will be an only child. And there's a good chance none of our extended family will ever live close enough to make frequent trips. It makes me sad. And helpless. And maybe feeling like it is time for me to change my vision of the future, amend my definition of family, and find ways to open my home to more people.
  
• Comparison is the thief of joy: I saw this on pinterest a couple of weeks ago (and apparently *didn't* pin it so I just spent five minutes trying to track down the quote) and I've been thinking about it a lot ever since. I do a lot of comparing. I do a lot of listing ways that I don't measure up. It's a hard habit to break. And it's hard to be joyful when you're trying to see how your highlights compare to someone else's.
  
• Loss and Moving On: It's been almost 7 months since I miscarried for the second time and I still think about it every single day. I wonder what our life would be like with a 2 year old and a newborn baby girl. I wonder what she would look like, if she'd be a good sleeper, if she'd be allergic to dairy. I wonder how AJ would be doing as a big brother. I wonder how we'd be managing it all. And when it comes down to it, I wonder why I'm not pregnant again yet. I wonder if we've missed our window. I wonder if we're going to have to invest thousands in conceiving again. I wonder who I would be if this wasn't part of our story.
  

There's more on my heart, but there's also a little dude making noises from his room. Nap time is apparently over. Thanks for the challenge, Steph.

WITL: Thursday

7:00am

9:04am
10:42am
12:30pm
1:41pm

2:52pm
3:44pm
4:15pm

5:25pm
5:25pm take 2
6:01pm
6:40pm
8:29pm

8:57pm

WITL: Wednesday

6:57am

9:27

9:45 (RIP carnation.)

10:27am
1:33pm

4:20pm
5:42pm

5:47pm
7:11pm
7:29pm

WITL: Tuesday

More catch up! Here is our Tuesday!

7:44am
9:43am
10:41am

12:25pm
12:49
1:40pm
4:12pm
5:55pm
5:57pm
7:11pm

WITL: Monday

I'm playing a bit of catchup with sharing my WITL project as we had to buy a new router this week and so I can finally get things uploaded!

Here are a few snapshots from Monday:

5:58am

6:47am
7:06am
7:07am


7:36am
12:21pm
2:29pm

3:21pm
4:14pm
4:39pm
8:04pm

Saturday Six: Since I Last Wrote

So, my last entry was on June 24th. It's July 23rd. Oops. I plan to come back and fill in the last week of AJ Every Day once I get my life under control. But for now, six things that may or may not have contributed to my absence in the last month.

1. Enter the Big Boy Bed: Two weeks to the day after his second birthday, a certain little dude discovered he could climb INTO his crib. Not surprisingly, it didn't take him long to figure out how to do the climbing in reverse and all of the sudden two parents and a Nana were saying, "Oh Crap! Time to buy the bed rail and convert the crib." Two trips to Babies R Us later (bought the wrong rail the first time), we were tucking the little dude into his big boy bed. June 25th. I almost feel like my life changed as much that day as the day he was born. There is no longer a "safe place" to put him. I can no longer guarantee he'll be where I left him. Naps are no longer as long as they once were (if they happen at all) and I miss the security of hopping in the shower, running to the mail box, or sitting downstairs on the computer without worrying about him.
   
2. Wanna Buy a House?: We have one to sell. We hit the MLS on July 9th. If it sells by November, we'll be moving to Michigan to be closer to family. If it doesn't sell, we're taking it as a sign from above and we're moving forward with plans to stay here long term. For now my life is in limbo, a limbo that involves trying to keep this house ready to show at a moment's notice with a 2 year old. Why are you laughing? I'm serious. Okay, I'm laughing too.
   
3. Tales from the Scale: I'll be honest, I'm frustrated. Since my birthday I have lost and gained the same 3lbs. I know why. It's stress eating, and summer, and poor planning, and did I mention stress eating? But still, it's maddening to play this back and forth game with the scale week after week. Which brings me to..
4. Enter ZUMBA!: A couple of weeks ago, I finally caved in and agreed to join a few of my Weight Watchers friends at a Zumba class they all go to near where our meetings are held. I fully expected to hate it, being that I'm just barely coordinated to do the electric slide as long as I count the steps in my head over and over. Seriously, though? I love it. I love it in the most ridiculous kind of way. I laugh through the entire hour and probably only get the moves right 30% of the time. I mean really, how can you take yourself seriously when you're attempting to follow the instructor and you hear the words, "The club can't even handle me right now." Truer words were never spoken. There is NO club that can handle my poor attempt at dancing. But when the hour is up, I am drenched in sweat, redder than any tee shirt I own, and ready to do it again the next day. It's a good thing.
5. Speech Coaching: The little dude still refuses to grace us with words, but he has mastered the MORE sign. After doing it ONCE a few weeks ago, he suddenly decided this week that it would be useful. There was great rejoicing around here when that switch went off let me tell you. The only problem we have right now is that he seems to think MORE also means YES. (It's an easy mistake to mean because he most often uses the more sign to indicate he wants more to eat. IE: Yes, woman, please refill my snack bowl.) So we're getting MORE sometimes when what he really means is yes. So, it's not fool proof, but he's so stinking proud of himself when he signs. Love it.
   
6. Wedding Season: I won't lie, this season feels weird since we're barely shooting. Between two spring/summer due dates we didn't book much this year planning to be on maternity leave. Well, we all know how that ended. It's for the best though since now we've had time to focus on getting the house listed, etc. After a couple of months off (our last wedding was in April), we're back in the swing of things having shot an engagement session last week and a wedding on the calendar for next weekend. Lugging camera gear in hot as heck July...how many calories does one burn doing that??
   

And so, now you're caught up. Sort of. I'll be back. Promise!

AJ Every Day: June 23rd

Ah, Thursday...it started off as an ordinary day. Up at the crack of dawn. Spreading non dairy buttery spread on a waffle with my eyes closed wishing I were still sleeping and not making the little dude his breakfast. Attempting to make the house look somewhat presentable before our "speech coach" Miss Kelly arrived.

AJ's sessions was much like all of his previous sessions in that he decided not to talk, ran around like a crazy kid, and took snuggle breaks in Miss Kelly's lap. We scheduled a session for two weeks from now because of the holiday and said our goodbyes.

Then...the little dude got hungry. He brought me his snack bowl, as is his standard, "feed me woman" routine, and I said, "AJ, would you like some more pretzels?" and he nodded his head which is a fairly recent communication development, so I was stoked about that. And then....THEN he put his little fingers together and SIGNED MORE!!!! If Nana Joan hadn't been there to witness it I would have thought my mind was playing tricks on me. After all, I've been doing a handful of basic signs since he was just a few months old and never has he ever even pretended to care or imitate. So there was great celebrating in the Homburg household. Dancing and clapping even.

Of course, we've tried to get him to do it a million times since, and he refuses. My kid...he has a hard head.

Speaking of hard heads, and that picture up there...we have a goose egg. Post nap yesterday the little dude decided to take off running with the remote control. And because Nana Joan has not yet learned that chasing the speed demon is futile, she took off after him. And because AJ has not really mastered STOPPING once he takes off at warp speed, he had an unfortunate run in with his bedroom door. It really is hard to believe, but this is his first honest to goodness knot on the head. He's had a few bruises and a scratch, but he's never fallen with such force as to wind up with a big old ugly bump on the noggin. It was swollen almost right away and it bled a little and I may or may not have had a moment of, "Great now he has a head injury and we don't know what his platelets are!" but the tears were over in a few minutes and now I almost think he feels like the goose egg is a badge of honor. As soon as Karl came home, the little dude ran to the gate and swept away his hair so Daddy could get a good look at his battle scar.

Show off! :)

AJ Every Day: June 21st and 22nd

June 21st: The summer of male bonding continues with week 2 of swimming lessons. Mama didn't attend due to a scheduling conflict but apparently the little dude was a super star. He blew bubbles AND floated on his back. My favorite story from the evening though is that AJ decided to take off in the locker room while his daddy was in the middle of changing, leaving Karl to attempt to dress himself while running after the wayward 2 year old.
June 22nd: I love that the little dude is always so happy to see his daddy after work. Here's what I'm wondering though. How come Karl can leave for work every day without any tears from the peanut gallery but when Mama so much as walks downstairs to show a visitor out it triggers an all out meltdown?? In case you can't tell we've had a major resurgence of the separation anxiety as of late. Part of me is flattered, but the bigger part just hates to see him so upset and in some cases inconsolable. Poor little dude!

AJ Every Day: June 20th

Forget fine dining, when you're two, it's a big deal to eat your snack on the back deck. This weekend I convinced Karl to install an unused baby gate at the top of the deck stairs so I could hang outside with AJ without chasing him around the entire yard. We're still out in the yard quite a bit, but it's nice to have a little bit of time to just hang out without the constant running and chasing since we don't have a fence. The little dude is THRILLED to have this new space and loves to hang out at his picnic table and just randomly walk around. So very cute. Except when it's raining and he doesn't get that we can't just open the slider and chill outside.

P.S.- Tales from the Scale week 13: down .2 for a grand total of 21 pounds even. Not thrilled, but I'll take it. Happy Monday all.