Thursday, April 30, 2009

Holy Crap!

Sometimes that's really all there is to say.

I start childbirth class tonight and to say I am terrified would be the understatement of the century. You see, I've had a sort of "ignorance is bliss" thing going on so far. It's not that I don't know how a baby is born. It's just that up until this point I have decided not to really consider how it was going to feel to happen to me.

That "choosing not to think about it" ends tonight. And it ends in a classroom full of strangers, sitting next to my husband who has not watched as many episodes of "A Baby Story" as I have. Let's hope neither of us: passes out, throws up, or laughs uncontrollably.

Prayers and good thoughts are much appreciated.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

In Good Company...

So I've always been pretty sure Megyn Kelly of Fox News has the perfect life. I mean, really, she spends her morning sitting next to Bill Hemmer. I've been kind of in love with Bill Hemmer since he spent weeks in Tallahassee, FL after the Indecision 2000 debacle. Back then he was with CNN and I was a Democrat. Things have changed for both of us since then, but I still think he's pretty darn cute.

Now, back to Megyn. I find her to be smart, attractive, and capable of pulling off some serious snark. And my recent suspicion that she's expecting has been confirmed. She's due in October. So yay for Megyn Kelly joining the ever expanding preggo club. 2009 is clearly the year of the baby.

But can I be a jealous pregnant woman for a moment? She's 38. She's more than half way through her pregnancy. She currently looks like she ate a big meal before heading to the set. I guarantee she won't get stretch marks, or cankles, or sausage fingers. AND she gets to sit next to Bill Hemmer every day!

Some girls have all the luck!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Well Hello, April!

So, it's been over a month since I've written. That's bad right? What's worse is that I feel like when I have things to say I have no time to say them. And when I have the time, well then the things I thought I had to say seem much less important.

So, inspired by my dear friend Babs, I present a few random thoughts with accompanying pictures...

Dear Woodmans, Thanks for the green bag reminder. Seriously. There is nothing worse than getting to the checkout only to realize those handy little enviro-friendly bags are in my backseat...or worse, at home. While you're handing out friendly reminders, maybe you could post a little sign inside the store directing people how to go with the flow of traffic through the produce department. And maybe...just maybe we could get some signage advising peopl that it is NOT proper grocery behavior to park your cart in the middle of an aisle while you decide which barbeque sauce to purchase. P.S. Next year I vow not to make a Woodmans trip on Good Friday. I know this wasn't my smartest move ever. Lesson learned.

Dear Insulin Manufacturers, Why must you make all your vials look exactly the same? Do you not know that pregnant women tend to be forgetful? It's called pregnancy brain, and since even my dr has mentioned it, I think it really exists. So yes, putting the slow acting insulin and the fast acting insulin in identically shaped and sized vials is just asking for trouble. Trouble that involves calling Labor and Delivery at 9:30 on a Thursday night in a mild panic. Trouble that requires the pregnant woman in question to choke down multiple glasses of OJ and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in order to keep herself out of a diabetic coma. I know I only have a few more weeks in this pregnancy so there's no hope in getting a fix now, but if you guys could work on that before next time that would be great. Thanks!

Dear Neighbors, See this dog? See how calm he is? This is what Walker is like when he is not being tormented by your dog hanging out in our backyard. Contrary to what you might see on a daily basis, Walker really isn't a growling snarling attack dog. He just doesn't want some other dog peeing and pooping in his yard. If you would follow leash laws our neighborhood would be a lot quieter. I would also appreciate it if you would not LAUGH when your dog makes a beeline for Walker when I've got him out on a leash. We know this doesn't end well, in fact I have gashes all over the top of my feet to prove it. Pregnant ladies are lacking in the balance department and controlling Walker is challenging enough without having to fend off your leashless dog while you stand there laughing. I understand if this note of death makes you want to move. I'm totally okay with that option too!
Dear Friends, thank you for making Monkey's shower so special. Thank you for not laughing when I sucked it up at the shower games or when I kept dropping things while trying to open presents on my non existent lap. Thank you for telling me I look cute, even though I feel like a sweaty whale.
Dear Husband, Thanks for being almost done with all your traveling. I really will be happy to have you home in May, June, and July...even if it means I will no longer have the bed to myself. I'm sorry I keep yelling at you for snoring when you're home and making you stay "on your side" so as to prevent my hot flashes.

Dear Monkey, Thanks for being so active in there! I find it very reassuring to know you're comfy in there and throwing a party for one. However, if you could push on something besides the back of my belly button for a while that would be great. I think I'm developing a bruise! In exchange for your cooperation I promise not to poke your belly button when you're out here. Oh, and if there's something you can do to help get rid of these ugly Fred Flinstone feet and claw hands I'm sporting, I'd really appreciate it. See you in a few weeks!